I’m not going to lie. The past few weeks have been some of the best weeks of my life. Even last night was pretty awesome. Today, on the other hand, has turned out to be one of the absolute worst days I’ve had. Even though nothing has actually happened. I’m just stressing, and overthinking everything just like I usually do. I just want to know how I go back and forth between these moments, so I’m going to spend my five minute break contemplating this before I resume studying Pop Culture.
One. I am incredibly blessed by my amazing God. I have been blessed with so much more than I ever imagined for my life… and I’m only 19! I have the greatest family who is always there for me, even when I’m a pain; I have awesome friends who stick with me and put up with me and make me laugh til I can’t stop; I’m at the greatest school I think I’ve ever been to (close tie with Biola) that has helped me grow so much in the past three months; God has totally provided for me financially in so many different ways (heck. I’m a kid who ran away from an abusive home. I’m supposed to be living on the street or in some shelter somewhere. Not many kids in the situation get the opportunity to go to private school for around $4000 a year); I’m loving everything I’m involved in (including SGA!! and my job, even!); and I could go on and on and on. Maybe I should. Maybe I should just drop everything tonight and make a list of everything I’m thankful for. That will help me out.
So. Yeah. I am very much blessed. And then I wake up on days today and wonder what is bothering me. My test tomorrow. Scared of finances (which is very ridiculous of me, as I’ve already pointed out.) Have a lot of work to do coming up soon. Just generally feeling overwhelmed. Thinking about plans for the future. And yeah. That’s all that I can really think of right now.
And then I take a deep breath and realize that those two paragraphs I just wrote have absolutely nothing to do with each other. If I fail my test tomorrow, God will still love me, I will still have my family and friends, I don’t think I’ll be kicked out of Milligan just yet, and I’ll still be able to go to work and make money and work on SGA. Regardless of the outcome of my grades on all of this stuff, it really doesn’t matter.